the ole facebook cock block

I know the definition of a facebook cock block is:When a desperate girl or woman (typically overweight) lights up your Facebook with comments that make it appear as if the two of you are dating. Yet, I also think it is a relevant definition for people who kill your status updates with sappy, sentimental, or irrelevant posts. So I ask: Why on earth do people feel the need to counter my snarky facebook updates with nice remarks or irrelevant posts? If I say I am having a case of the Mondays that is not an invitation to tell me your cat has feline leukemia or your grandma broke a hip. If I write about mutant with 1 eye from church, do not write that you bet he is a nice fella. That is a no shit sherlock comment. I need witty banter involving turkey d, turkey die, Sammy Davis Jr. only had 1 eye. But really what do you do if you constantly have people write nice or stupey comments on your status updates? I want celebrity posts and sarcastic quips...anything else = no dice for me! And if I tell you your kid is cute, return the favor duh!

Catherine Zeta Jones called and wants her breakdown back

Ok I am one tired woman this week and would like a mini vacay sans any family or friends to just go away, read a little, watch CW shows, and nap. If all I need to do is pledge exhaustion to get a trip to the crazy bin for a week or two...I am in! Catherine Zeta Jones and Ashley Judd, pass a little crazy brew my way because I am ready to do what it takes to get a few hours of sleep and rest.

debbie downer called and she wants her status update back

I pride myself on having a good Facebook post once in a while and nothing is worse than when you have a good convo going on your wall and someone interrupts with a debbie downer statement. If I am talking about celebrity nonsense please do not insert yourself into my conversation to tell me your kids are sick, your dog has the poops, or make a political comment. Save that serious business for a Fox tweet or knock it off. I do not want anything meaningful on my wall unless it is you commenting on me looking like I a lost a pound or two. If you think about uttering my kid is an honor student, Gaza Strip, or stomach bug....punch yourself in the face and unfriend me ASAP!

My best friend had a baby today

Anyone who knows me knows I have a parasocial friendship with Kristen Bell. I love her and think we could be best friends. She had a real cute baby today (I mean I haven't seen a pic but I know she is cute) and names her Lincoln Bell. I enjoy any name that could be a dog name so this works for me. Congrats Kristen, may your baby love Aunt Molly

It's a dick in a box

I read an article this weekend that talked about how creative and brave Tilda Swinton is for "performing" her sleep in a box exhibit at an art museum. As a tired mom who works way too much, I too would be willing to sleep in a box in public if it gave me a little time to take a nap. I If this is in fact art, what the heck is not art? I have always thought that Tilda Swinton is creepy and overrated, but this proves how stupid she is. I would rather see Andy Samburg's dick in a box then pay to see this gal take a nap.

You better twerk you jerk!

This week has been so bad that if I don't get my mojo back I am going to pull an Amanda Bynes and get my cheeks pierced and then buy a unicorn onesie and twerk it like Miley. Cosmo and I tried to twerk it and I got winded after one booty bounce.....so operation join the gym again has to happen Monday. The only saving grace is the stupid celebrity scoop of the week: 1-Amanda Bynes needs to have her twitter account revoked since she asked Drake to murder her vagina-um gross! 2-Jennifer Capriati was Jennifer Caprinaughty and beat the crap out of her boyfriend...somewhere Chris Brown says thanks 3-Johnathan Taylor Thomas resurfaces after 15+ years and looks the exact same. Too bad the same can't be said for the fugly kid from Jerry Maguire I hope next week involves an Olsen twin, Tom Cruise, and Shiloh Pitt

What the Kanye?

Just when I thought Kamel Toe and Kashmere would be the worst possible baby names, stupid Kanye west announces he wants to name baby Kimye....North West! WTH! I wish Taylor Swift would have broke Kanye's malformed jaw when she had the chance because this is such a stupid name. Shouldn't a baby be smart enough to find north west on a map? Somewhere Holly Madison and Rainbow Aurora are having a laugh about this one and then sharing the pole